All I Need: Rod & Daisy (All Of Me Duet Book 2) Read online

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Rod

  “Hey, Jules.”

  After my talk with Daisy, she encouraged me to call my sister and gave permission for me to share the entire story with her. Juliana is eerily quiet as I remind her about the events of that night and reveal the person who rode to the hospital with us was Daisy. Reliving the details sickens and infuriates me, but Juliana needs to understand the full magnitude of the situation.

  “That was Daisy with us that night? I can’t believe it. The details are still fuzzy for me, but I never would’ve guessed. So, that’s why you went to see Gabe? To find out who assaulted Daisy?” Her voice is weaker than usual, but her words are clear and concise. There’s no slurring when she speaks, so that is a positive sign.

  “Yes, that’s exactly why I went to see him. I’m sorry my visit stirred up painful memories for you. He surprised me by asking around about you and Isa. His choice was pretty clear a few years ago.” My actions caused her more pain and problems than she’s already dealing with, and knowing I made her feel this way is killing me. I’d never intentionally hurt my baby sister.

  “His choice was crystal clear. He probably just wants to hear we’re better off without him, so he can put his guilty conscience to rest. There’s nothing left here for him to be concerned about. I’ve sent word back to him to move on with his life and forget Isa and I ever existed. He’s done that without a hitch for five long years. There’s no reason to change course now. I sure as hell don’t want him coming around and confusing Isa with his vanishing act.”

  She’s hiding the pain of his rejection and the humiliation of his desertion behind a wall of anger. By pretending not to care, she thinks she’s protecting her heart and pride. I recognize the signs because I did the same thing. But I have a sneaking suspicion she’d run into his arms if he showed up and was repentant for his actions.

  “Gabe had his own demons to deal with, Jules. He wasn’t strong enough to face them head on. Everyone has their breaking point. Gabe had to hit rock bottom on his own. I’m just thankful he didn’t take you and Isa to the pits of hell with him. Five years ago, you would’ve followed him if you’d had the chance.” She was young, inexperienced, and madly in love with that boy. He was her first love and she never really got over him, even to this day. She’s just more protective of Isa than she is of her own well-being.

  “You’re right, I probably would have. I would’ve tried to save him from himself, or died trying, if he’d stuck around. But I’m stronger and wiser now, and I won’t be swayed by that handsome face, dashing smile, and excellent ass.” She threw that last part in just to rile me up. I’m not falling for her attempt to bait me. “Besides, I have enough on my plate to deal with for the foreseeable future. I don’t have time to add him to my list of things that need my attention.”

  “Well, since I started his, let me know if I need to have another conversation with him to put a stop to this nonsense.”

  “If he doesn’t take the hint from my message back to him, I’ll let you know.”

  We talk for a while longer, focusing on her health, treatment, and prognosis for the future instead of dwelling on the past any longer. She’s confident she’ll find a donor relatively soon, and I can’t douse the flames of her hope by pointing out she’s growing weaker by the day. Soon for me would be tomorrow, while she’s referring to it in terms of weeks and months.

  The problem is, I don’t think we have that long.

  Daisy is lifting Isa out of the tub when I finally find her after finishing my call with Jules. “Thank you for bathing her. You didn’t have to, though. I didn’t ask you to stay here tonight to make you do more work than you already do.”

  “I don’t mind, Rod. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to help.”

  I take Isa from Daisy’s arms and set her on the counter. After I’ve combed and dried her hair, Daisy and I tuck her in then say goodnight to Landen too. As I close Landen’s door, I turn to Daisy to share my concern.

  “I’m losing her, Daisy. Juliana is growing sicker by the minute. I’m afraid it’s time we start making preparations for her final wishes. Find out about making her comfortable for the time she has left so her last days are more enjoyable. Make lasting memories for Isa to hold on to for the rest of her life. I’ve already handed the reins of my company over to Kevin for the time being, so this means I’ll be completely unavailable while he’s in charge. I’m one-hundred percent okay with that.” I realize I’m rambling, but I can’t stop. If I stop talking, I’ll have to concentrate on what I said, and my heart and mind aren’t ready for that yet.

  “Rod, take a breath.” She puts her fingers over my lips. “You and I have a few things we need to discuss. I’ve put this off long enough, and now I realize it was more selfish of me than I ever imagined. Let’s go sit down.”

  “You do realize that in the history of the world, every conversation that started with ‘we need to talk’ resulted in utter destruction. In fact, I’m pretty sure I read that’s how all the ancient civilizations ended. Are you sure we need to tempt the fates like that?”

  “Yes, I’ll chance it. Come on. We need to talk.” She takes my hand and leads the way downstairs to the den.

  When we’re seated on the couch, she turns to me and takes my hands. She can’t bring herself to meet my gaze. Instead, she’s solely focused on my hands, tracing the lines on my fingers with complete dedication. I never realized they were so fascinating.

  “Daisy, it’s me. Whatever’s on your mind, you can tell me. Don’t be afraid to talk to me. I thought we’d moved past that. There’s nothing but complete honesty between us, no matter what happens, and we’ll figure out together.” I try to remind and encourage her of our solid relationship standing.

  The grimace on her face in response doesn’t bode well for me.

  “I know it’s you, Rod. That’s what makes this so hard to confess.” She takes a deep breath and slowly releases it, readying herself to blurt out whatever horrible secret she’s keeping. “Damn it. This is harder than I thought it would be.”

  “Just say it. Out with it, right now.” I’m mentally preparing to have my heart ripped in two. I’m not good enough for her. That’s been apparent from the moment we first met.

  “Promise you won’t get mad at me?” She’s throwing my request back at me.

  “No, but I promise to hear you out.” I smile reassuringly.

  “Before Christmas, I went to be tested to see if I’m a donor match for Juliana. While we were at my parents’ house, I received a call from her doctor’s office. The nurse told me I am a tissue match, but I can’t donate my bone marrow to her for a few more months… because I’m pregnant.”

  In the span of twenty seconds, I went from fear to elation to disbelief to panic to rage. Now I’m fuming. I jerk my hands away from hers then run my fingers over my face and through my hair. Unable to sit still, I bolt from my seat and start pacing the room, back and forth at a speed that rivals Olympic runners.

  She’s still talking, but I have no idea what she’s saying. Not one word makes it to my ears intact. Broken syllables and incoherent sounds are all that surround me. She said she’s a match. A lifesaving, future-altering, ray of sunshine in a bleak world, tissue match. Then she snatched that hope away from me with one word. “But.” Then she revealed a little surprise—she’s pregnant. Is the baby even mine? She was seeing some other guy after our island excursion.

  “Let me get this straight. You’ve known for weeks you’re a tissue match for my dying sister, but you only decided to share that piece of crucial information with me tonight. Why? Why would you keep that from me?” I’m glad the kids are sound asleep upstairs because I can’t control the volume of my voice. “We promised each other total honesty. That’s what you wanted, and I’ve kept up my end of the deal. But you break it with… with… this?”

  “I’ve been wrestling with this myself, Rod. It’s been a lot to take in—”

  “Don’t patronize m
e. Accepting my sister’s death is a lot to take in, but I still talked to you about it.”

  “You’re right, you did. I’m sorry for waiting so long to tell you everything. There hasn’t been a clear-cut, easy path for me in any of this. I want to save Juliana too.”

  “But you can’t because you’re pregnant.” I can’t stop the accusing tone that escapes my lips.

  Her lips part and she gasps as if the wind was just knocked out of her. I’ve wounded her in my tirade. But she wounded me first. “That’s right. They can’t extract bone marrow until after the baby is born.”

  “And when will that be? How far along are you? How much longer does Juliana have to suffer and try to hold on to a tiny spark of life?” Daggers fly from my eyes as I mentally calculate the number of weeks we’ve been together. “Is it even mine?”

  She hesitates.

  “Of course it’s yours, and you damn well know it. If I’m right, I’d say I’m about three and a half months along now.”

  Her answer is totally unexpected.

  “Wait. That means you’ve been pregnant since Punta Cana. But you didn’t know before the tissue type testing a couple of weeks before Christams?”

  “That’s right—on both counts. I had no idea. The birth control I was on stopped my periods completely, other than some spotting here and there. There’s always a small chance of still getting pregnant, but since you also used protection, I had no reason to worry. But there was that one time in the shower… I guess once is all it took.”

  Something still seems off here. What do I not know?

  “What else, Daisy? What do you not want to tell me? There’s something else, I can feel it in my gut.”

  She wipes her palms on her pants and rocks back and forth in her seat. “Tracy isn’t pregnant. The test you found was mine. She went along with it to protect me. Christmas Eve morning, I had a frank conversation with Kevin to explain why Tracy was lying for me. I also told him I was considering terminating the pregnancy so I could be a donor for Juliana right away, but I didn’t want to tell either of you and ruin your Christmas.

  “Jules walked in, overheard what I’d said, and expressly forbade me from even telling you that was an option. She wants to meet her niece or nephew. But she wasn’t the only reason I considered not having the baby. You and I aren’t exactly on the same page all the time, and I simply didn’t know how you’d handle the news and extra responsibilities.”

  Her words seep into my soul and I feel like I’m an atom bomb about to explode. “I have to get out of here for a while. Please stay with the kids until I return. At this moment, I can’t say when that will be. I need space and time alone to think, get all this sorted out in my mind, and calm down.”

  Though I’ve used my calm, direct, boardroom tone, every cell inside me is like a miniature volcano, continuously erupting, spewing hot lava into my veins and keeping me on edge. I may eventually erupt and release all this pent-up frustration that’s been buried deep inside me since I was a kid.

  “Um, okay. Are you coming back tonight?” Her voice is timid, like the expression I see in her eyes.

  “I don’t know when I’ll be back. I don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is I need to go. Somewhere. Anywhere away from here.” I grab my keys and stomp toward the garage door.

  “Don’t do this to us, Rod. We’re one beating heart. Remember what you said? Remember your promises? Please don’t tear us apart. I need you as much as you need me. We’re in this together now.”

  Despite her words and her pleas, I turn and walk out the door. Seated in my car, I floor the gas pedal and speed off into the night. On autopilot, I let my subconscious take me to the place where I need to go. Before long, familiar surroundings flood my senses, and I pull over to the side of the road to park.

  I’m in my old neighborhood where I grew up with my mom, dad, and sister all under the same roof. A time when life made more sense plays like a movie in my mind. Before Juliana became sick the first time. Before my dad split. Before my mom died. A time when I was allowed to be a carefree kid who was loved by his family and had no reason to distrust the entire world. When I felt safe, secure, and protected by my parents’ love.

  This area is mostly dilapidated houses now. These homes fell into disrepair during the real estate market collapse and resulting recession. They were abandoned as lost causes. The area never recovered its original luster and appeal. Many are empty or boarded up to keep vandals and wandering teenagers out. But at one time in my life, this was my home. I exit the car and walk around in the dark, remembering the way by heart rather than by sight. The smattering of trees that separate this subdivision from the neighboring one served as our fort for many games. The trails were perfect for riding bikes and pretending we were in a deep, dark forest. In reality, getting lost in here would’ve been impossible—every direction leads back to a house. But our childhood imaginations were boundless.

  I walk the trails and the streets until dawn, reliving much of my childhood while contemplating how vastly different my life turned out from anything I thought it would be.

  “Wow. You are the spitting image of Chris Stone. Are you any relation to him?” The male voice behind me startles me. I thought I was alone wandering through this dilapidated house.

  “Yeah. He was my father until he abandoned his family when we needed him most. How do you know him?” I turn and face the haggard, aged man squatting in the condemned structure.

  “Chris comes here frequently. He brings us food, blankets, and medicine sometimes. He helps take care of us—the people no one wants around anymore.” He scratches his unkempt beard, clearly a bit uneasy with the information I shared. “I’m surprised to hear he abandoned you. He doesn’t seem the type. Maybe he learned his lesson and wants to atone for what he did before. We all have our demons.”

  “Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him in twenty years.” But this old man’s sentiments are an echo of the words Daisy used regarding her attacker.

  “Maybe you should. Maybe then you wouldn’t be visiting this place in the middle of the night. What are you looking for, son?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe I’m trying to figure out who I am by retracing who I used to be. Maybe I’m looking for simplicity in the middle of utter chaos. Maybe I’m just looking for answers when I don’t even know what the fucking questions are.” My reply is unexpected, even to me, but it’s exactly what’s on my mind right now.

  “There’s only one answer you ever need to know. Love. Love covers a multitude of wrongs. Someone hurt you. You hurt someone else. You’re ashamed of things you’ve done to others. You can’t forgive someone else for the things they’ve done to you. The only thing that can make everything right again is love. If you have that, you are rich indeed.”

  I’m not sure how to respond to the old man. My slack jaw, wide eyes, and dead silence clearly conveys that fact. He could knock me over with a feather right now and I wouldn’t have enough in me to fight back.

  “I wasn’t always like this, you know. Not that I was some hot shot, but I made a decent living to provide for my family. I’d worked for the same company for nearly twenty years, then I walked in to work one day only to find out I’d been laid off. They knocked me out with a single punch. I’d always worked, never been without a job, but I couldn’t find one afterward, regardless of how many times I applied.

  “My wife was supportive and tried to help me in every way she could. But that demon depression got a hold of me and wouldn’t let go. What little money I received from unemployment started going to alcohol. Day by day, I drank more and more to escape from thinking about what a failure I’d become.

  “You’ve heard the saying a drowning man can’t be saved, right? Well, I was drowning all right, but at the time I didn’t realize I had pushed my family under too. Let me tell you something, son. You don’t know pain until you see another man taking care of the woman you love and raising your children because you couldn’t do it yourself.”


  His words sting like a thousand bees descended on me at once. I’ve been so focused on my past while roaming the neighborhood, not once did I consider what I could be giving up in my future. I walked out on Daisy tonight after urging her to tell me the truth and promising her we’d work through all our problems together. Isa and Landen were sound asleep in their beds, but my sole focus was myself. Then there’s Daisy, who’s been carrying this burden, along with my baby, unsure of how to tell me and afraid of how I’d react. Seems her fear wasn’t at all unfounded.

  In one fail swoop, I could’ve lost everything that means anything to me.

  With a single act, I could’ve become Chris Stone—the one person I’ve tried the hardest not to be. I haven’t spent most of my life despising him only to become him when I’ve found my soulmate. It’s time to pull my head out of my ass and realize the gifts I’ve been given.

  “You’re exactly right. Thank you for sharing your story. I truly appreciate it. And now, I need to get back home as soon as possible.”

  I get his name before I leave and head home.

  Home, where my whole heart is.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Daisy

  After a long day at school, I had an even longer night at Rod’s house waiting for him to come back. He left his phone here, so I couldn’t even call to check on him. My eyes were wide open before the sun began peeking over the horizon, but there was still no sign of Rod.

  Juliana called both of our numbers last night, but I didn’t have the heart to answer. How can I explain what happened here while she’s fighting for her life in the hospital? She obviously wouldn’t be able to reach him either. Her knowing about our problems will only make her worry more than she already does. I can’t put this on her shoulders too.

  I called Tracy last night to bring her up to date and get her advice. She’s off the hook with the whole pregnancy charade, so she’s glad that part is over. She asked how Rod took the news, then exploded when I described the aftermath. When my phone rang early this morning, I thought maybe Rod was calling, but it was Tracy checking in on me.