Wicked Shadows (Steele Security Book 5) Page 10

  “What are you thinking about, Devon? What’s bothering you?” Her tone urged him to talk to her, to share a part of his life she knew nothing about.

  His arms tightened around her in response.

  “You have to let me in. I want to be part of your life.”

  “Darlin’, believe me when I say, you’re the best part of my life.” Though his voice was partially muffled, the sincerity of his words flowed through her, filling her with hope. He lifted her with ease, held her tightly against his chest, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He sat on the couch and adjusted her position without releasing his hold. He raised his head, met her questioning eyes, and felt compelled to share what he could.

  “You know I spent time in the Army, in Special Forces. There’s a lot of bad shit going on with a buddy from my old unit. He’s more than a friend—he’s part of my family. He’s the brother I never had. His whole world has just been turned upside down. I have no doubt he can take care of himself. But he doesn’t know the people he’s mixed up with like he thinks he does—or what they can do to him.”

  “But you know they’re corrupt. Why haven’t you told him?”

  “Because I can’t—not yet anyway.”

  “I don’t understand, Devon. If he’s your brother, how can you not warn him about these people? Are you part of them—or in business with them?”

  “It’s a little more complicated than that, darlin’.”

  The suspicion in her eyes and the difference in how she looked at him were the very reasons he’d avoided discussing anything to do with the cases he worked. In their three years together, she’d accepted his ambiguous reasons for not calling regularly and the months he wasn’t accessible at all. When he explained the classified nature of the missions he carried out in the Army, he implied his current work had the same conditions. But that was the extent of how much he divulged about his job and the activities it required of him.

  After hearing he was aware of and involved with shady people, Elle naturally had more questions about his job, about his friends, and even about him. Questions he couldn’t answer. Answers he couldn’t give. Secrets he couldn’t share. His undercover missions lasted months on end at times. But when the assignment concluded, he’d always made his way back to her. There were times his investigations brought him to LA, and though it went against his better judgment, those nights were spent in her bed.

  He’d agonized over those decisions. Had he been careful enough not to be seen? Had he inadvertently made her a target? Too many times to count, he’d considered what he’d do if anyone hurt her, especially if he was the reason why. There was no hole deep enough, no island remote enough, and no place too far away for that man to escape the wrath of Shadow’s blade. Any shred of information she had about his operations put her in more danger than she could imagine. He’d already crossed a line by sharing what little he’d said.

  The hero light she’d always cast over him had begun to dim. The doubts about him started taking root in her mind. She had no idea of the dark, dangerous, and deadly exploits he’d carried out. She was utterly unaware of the horrible acts he was capable of doing—and frequently performed in the line of duty. While he had no qualms about doing whatever the job called for, there were facts about him he never wanted her to know.

  Yet, he witnessed the skepticism and wariness mix with her feelings for him. He felt her body stiffen ever so slightly when the anger rolled through her, though she tried to hide it. Her eyes narrowed faintly as she pondered her next question—how to ask, and if she genuinely wanted the answer.

  “Do you still talk to Jeff?”

  “Occasionally.”

  “Have you told him about us?”

  “No, I haven’t.”

  The corners of her eyes squeezed together perceptibly. “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t feel the need to announce and advertise my private life to anyone.”

  “Wow.” She pushed off his lap to stand in front of him. She ran her fingers through her hair in frustration as she began to pace. “I don’t know which statement to be offended by first. That I’m lumped into the ‘anyone’ category. That you shut me out of your public and private life. Or that there are underhanded people who don’t deserve your allegiance, but they seem to know more about you than I do. Beth was right.”

  And there’s the resentment, he thought.

  “What was Beth right about?”

  “She and I had an argument right before you showed up. About you.”

  I know. I heard the entire conversation, then disappeared before she walked out. He kept his face impassive, concealing his true thoughts and feelings. “What about me?”

  “What are we doing, Devon? What is really happening between us? Are we simply friends with benefits, or do you genuinely have feelings for me?”

  Unshed tears glistened in her eyes as she fought with all her might to keep the fears at bay. He watched her chin quiver, her chest rise and fall with the deep breaths she took to calm herself, and the way she squared her shoulders to prepare for his response. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, inside and out. She deserved so much better than him, so much more than he could give her. But he’d be damned if he could do the gallant thing and walk away to let her move on without him.

  “After three years together, you’re asking this now? You’re asking me if I have feelings for you? Of course I do, Elle. Strong feelings. But my job isn’t a conventional nine-to-five, home-for-dinner type of work. There have been so many times I’ve wanted to tell you everything, but it’s because of my feelings for you that I don’t share the details of it—for your benefit.”

  “It doesn’t feel like I’m important to you.”

  “You are not just anyone to me, Elle. The only other people who get a glimpse of the real me are the men from my unit. We worked in life-and-death situations twenty-four-seven, so we knew everything there was to know about each other. We were all well-trained for our roles and never let each other down. But even they don’t get the side of me I give you.

  “Don’t think I haven’t recognized all the ways you help me when I show up here. You were trying to determine what state my mind was in as soon as I walked in here. The weeks and months I’m away, I miss you every bit as much as you miss me, if not more. I tried to explain to you early on in this relationship how I’d be in and out of town, unreachable at times, but I’d always be back for you.”

  “You’re right. You did tell me that, but I didn’t realize it would always be this way.”

  “What are you saying, Elle? Just spit it out. Lay it on the line so there’s no confusion.”

  “I’m saying I want more than this. I want more than you showing up occasionally, then leaving for extended periods again. I love you, Devon. I’ve loved you for so long. But if you’re telling me we’ll never have a full life together, that I’ll never know more about you than I do right now…I’m saying I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

  He stood and walked to her, his once-hidden emotions instantly palpable in his eyes. “Elle, I don’t want to lose you. If you’re giving me an ultimatum of choosing between you and my job, at this moment, there’s no way I can choose. Not tonight anyway. There’s too much at stake to walk away now—from you or the job. It’s a no-win situation for me. If you love me, give me more time to see this through.”

  “Give me a time frame. How much more time do you mean? Days? Weeks? Months? Years?”

  “At the rate it’s going now, it’ll only take a couple more weeks to wrap it up once I go back. Of course, anything can happen between now and then.”

  “Go back where?”

  He smiled, knowing she was testing him. “Miami.”

  “When are you going back?”

  “In a couple of days.”

  “You flew all the way across the country to stay here for a couple of days?”

  “I’d fly here from anywhere in the world if it means I’ll have a couple of days with you
.”

  Tears spilled over her bottom lashes, and Devon gently wiped them away with the pad of his thumb while he waited for her decision. “Well, that sweet-talking just earned you two weeks. You’d better finish whatever it is you’re doing and get back here to me two weeks from the day you leave me. Two. Weeks. Devon.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  They spent the following forty-eight hours in Elle’s bed, only leaving her bedroom to restock their supply of food and drinks. Devon alternated between being dominant and possessive, gentle and affectionate, employing his full arsenal of moves and maneuvers to help remind her how much she missed him when he was away.

  He waited until she’d passed out from exhaustion the first night, then raised up on one elbow to watch her sleep. Thoroughly relaxed, she wore a peaceful and contented expression—he’d even dare to say she was truly happy. She’d confessed her true feelings to him when she said those magic words. Naturally, he already knew she was in love with him and had been since their first encounter. No doubt she’d waited for him to confess his undying love first, then decided she couldn’t wait any longer when she issued her ultimatum.

  “Here’s something you don’t know about me,” he said, his whisper barely audible. “I love you, Elle. You captured my heart that first day in Miami. The first time we made love, I knew I never wanted it back. But you can’t know any of this. If the day ever comes that I let you go, believing I don’t love you is the only way to make sure you’ll stay far away from me.”

  Neither of them slept the second night. Devon had an early flight out of LA to get back to Miami and finish the job. The hours of driving into her core, slow and deep, didn’t quench his desire. It only caused him to crave her more. The taste of her skin, the aroma of her arousal, the sound of her moans and screams were the equivalent of throwing gasoline on a raging fire. Hour after hour, their sweat-slick bodies remained joined as one, drawing out their pleasure and delaying their separation as long as possible.

  Just before daylight broke, Devon begrudgingly left her bed to head to the airport, with the promise of returning two weeks later. He settled into the private jet and waited for the pilot and crew to finish their preflight check. The taste of her wet, salty goodbye kiss lingered in his memory. He wasn’t likely to forget the feeling of releasing her from his arms either. Every time he had to leave her was harder than the last. That realization drove him to make a decision right then and there.

  Once this case was over, he’d resign from the CIA and only work for Steele Security. With the way Noah’s company had grown since its inception and continued to thrive, a bicoastal security firm was most definitely in the cards. Ideas formed one after the other, visions of how his life would change created excitement for the future. He spent the flight working up a full plan of attack for their new life together once his current assignment ended.

  Wheels down in Miami, his undercover cell immediately began ringing.

  “Shadow, our business associates are lined up and ready to move forward with our joint venture. I hope you’ve kept your promise to me.”

  “Of course, Richard. Have I ever let you down before?”

  “Our meeting with the board of directors is in one week. I need you to be there with me. They want to meet you in person,” Richard demanded.

  “Let me know where and what time. I’ll be there,” Shadow replied.

  “One of my men will contact you the day of the meeting with the exact location. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.”

  Richard Hollingsworth had been in the Army with Shadow and his brothers. He was missing for three years, presumed dead, after an illegal arms deal went south on him. He’d recently been released by his captors in the Middle East and was back in the States, in the market for a dirty CIA operative who could reestablish his supply chain without questions. Part of Shadow’s covert operation was to be the middle man and take down all the players financing Richard’s treasonous acts at once.

  “My plans are already falling into place,” Shadow said to himself as he jogged down the plane’s steps to the tarmac.

  After switching to his secure cell, he called Steadman. “Hi, Uncle Steadman. Just wanted to let you know the order for the birthday cake is being placed. They’ll call me back later to give me a time to pick it up.”

  “I hope you ordered the chocolate cake. You know it’s my favorite,” Steadman replied with a chuckle.

  “Is there any other kind? I’ll call back later when I have more information. Get the family ready for our big dinner celebration next week. This cake has several layers.”

  Over the following week, Shadow gave his all to his assignment. He ensured every T was crossed and every I was dotted. The stars seemed to align when the cache of weapons arrived on time, cementing his cover and ensuring the deal would go through as planned. Once the money was exchanged and they took possession of the illegal arms, every federal agency identified by initials would swarm the spot and take them all in.

  Then his undercover life would come to an eventful end.

  He knew something was wrong when his secure cell began ringing. Those calls were normally one-way only. For Steadman to call him meant there was a major new development in the intelligence community.

  “Uncle Steadman, I’m surprised to hear from you. Did you change your mind on the flavor of cake?”

  “Shadow,” Steadman replied with all seriousness. “He has Reaper’s girlfriend, Brianna. He’s going to kill her.” He rattled off the address of the abandoned warehouse where Richard held Brianna captive.

  Shadow glanced at his watch as he sprinted to his car, calculating how long it would take him to reach her. He loved Brianna like a sister and was almost as close to her as he was to Noah. Her only hope of survival was if he intervened, and he knew her death would be more than Noah could endure. His tires slid to a halt behind the warehouse, and he chambered a round in his gun as he ran toward the back door, praying he wasn’t too late to stop a cold-blooded murder.

  When the plane landed at LAX, Devon walked unhurriedly toward the baggage claim area. He’d lost the spring in his step and the gleam in his eye.

  He was in LA to get them both back, along with the love of his life.

  After dropping his suitcase off at his hotel room, he drove to her apartment and parked on the street outside. He already knew she wasn’t home, but he’d wait until she showed up. If it meant getting down on his knees and begging, then so be it. One way or another, she had to talk to him and hear him out. He was ready to tell her everything.

  When a couple of hours had passed and she still hadn’t shown up, he turned on the radio to help pass the time. The local station’s disc jockey was reporting a celebrity sighting at a trendy new restaurant.

  “I just heard the one and only Miss Elle Sinclair is about to roll up in a long, black limousine. I can’t even tell you how jealous I am of the guy she’s with tonight. She is even hotter in person than she is in the pictures, if you can imagine that. And believe me, I can imagine a lot with her.”

  The car’s engine roared to life, and his foot stomped on the gas pedal, pulling out of his space with peeling tires. The car deftly weaved through traffic, and he ignored blaring horns and angry shouts as he passed the other cars. Luckily, he found an empty parking spot a block away from the restaurant, not caring he’d illegally parked in someone’s reserved spot. When he was as close as the throngs of people and photographers would allow him to get, he spotted her exiting the limo.

  The man she was with extended his tuxedo-clad arm toward her, and she wrapped her dainty one around it with a beaming smile on her beautiful face. Dressed to kill in a short black dress that clung to her curves and showed off all her best assets, she stopped several times for pictures as the paparazzi yelled one question after another at her.

  “Elle, who’s your date?”

  “Is he an actor?”

  “Is he a model?”

  “Where did you two meet?”

 
“Is this a serious relationship?”

  “Are you off the market now? Are you exclusive?”

  Lightbulbs flashed. People elbowed each other out of the way, vying for the perfect spot to snap the best picture. Young girls screamed Elle’s name, yelling they loved her and wanted to be her.

  It was the first time he’d seen in person how crazy her fans were over her. He knew she was famous, had hordes of fans, and was sought after for modeling gigs and movie parts. Living in the limelight was a foreign concept that he thought he was ready for and had a handle on. But that was before he watched that scene unfold. He realized even if he left the CIA, he couldn’t be recognizable to that degree and still be effective as a security team member.

  Their lives were just too different. Regardless of how much they tried to make it work, it was still as if they were attempting to fit a square peg in a round hole. It would never be as good as it should be. And he couldn’t hold her back from happiness anymore. She’d moved on, though he’d never had the chance to explain that he was two weeks late because he’d saved Brianna from being shot, but her condition had been touch and go for a while. He couldn’t leave Brianna, Noah, or his assignment until all the loose ends were tied up. He’d called repeatedly and left messages, but Elle wouldn’t accept them.

  Seeing how happy she was with her new date seemed to explain why he couldn’t reach her. It was time to let her go, so she could have her career and the type of relationship she wanted. With a heavy heart, he drove back to his hotel, considering what his next move would be. Leaving the life of a spy was a definite. He’d had enough of that world to last a lifetime.

  “To what do I owe the pleasure?” Steadman asked as a way of a greeting. “You’re not on a sanctioned assignment.”

  “I’m calling in my 10-42.”

  “That’s not funny, Shadow.”

  “No, it’s not. This is my official end tour of duty notice. I’m not accepting missions as of now.”

  “Shadow,” a stern voice replaced Steadman’s. “What the hell is this?”